


The 5 Times Bellamy Wanted to Tell Clarke He Loved Her and the 1 Time He Did

by goldenkc



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Declarations Of Love, F/M, lowkey angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-16 05:24:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11822109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenkc/pseuds/goldenkc
Summary: bellamy held back many times from telling clarke how much he loves her, and one time he just couldn't help himself





	The 5 Times Bellamy Wanted to Tell Clarke He Loved Her and the 1 Time He Did

i.

She's just told him she's leaving. He doesn't want her to leave. He knows it's selfish, but he doesn't want her to leave.

She's going through a lot. But so is he. She feels guilty for what she had to do at Mount Weather. But so does he. It's why he pulled the lever with her, so she wouldn't feel guilty alone.

Now she wants to go. She wants to suffer alone. What she doesn't know is that he'll suffer, too.

He wants to say, "Stay." He wants to say, "Don't leave me." He wants to say, "I can't lead them without you."

But instead he watches her walk away and he stands there, watching her retreating figure until it disappears into the woods, surely to not be seen again.

* * *

ii.

He finds her, months later. He sees her through the scope of his rifle with a gag in her mouth and ropes around her wrists being hauled by a man twice the size of Bellamy.

As if that will stop him.

He runs off after her. When he reaches her in the cave, a million thoughts run through his head.

He wants to say, "Thank God you're okay." He wants to say, "I'll get you out of here." He wants to say, "You're safe now. You're with me."

But their reunion is cut short with a sword pointed at his neck and a threat to his life. Clarke gives herself up. She so recklessly and willingly leaves with the man who'd stolen her away in the first place just to save Bellamy's life. He doesn't see how his life is worth more than hers and he's almost angry with her for thinking so.

He stands, wanting to go after them, after _her_. It's when he takes the first step that he realizes his leg is broken. As if that will stop him. He takes off in the direction they went, just a little slower than he'd like.

* * *

iii.

She tries to be quiet, but her sobbing wakes him from his nap. He sits up and watches her cry over the parchment where she's to write the hundred names destined for survival of the next nuclear attack.

He walks up to her and sees his name in the 99th slot. There's one left, and as far as he can see, she's not on the list. But damned if he doesn't have something to say about that. 

He wants to say, "You've earned your spot." He wants to say, "I can't live without you." He wants to say, "Please don't make me live without you."

Instead he says, "If I'm on that list, you're on that list."

And he decides that's good enough for now.

* * *

iv.

Bellamy thinks they've had too many moments like this, too many goodbyes. She's going one way with Roan, while Bellamy goes the other way alone.

He wants to say, "Be careful." He wants to say, "Don't do anything stupid." He wants to say, "Don't put yourself in danger because _nothing_ is worth more than your life."

He needs to say something. He can't help himself. He has to say something.

"Clarke, if I don't see you again--"

"No," she says definitively. "You will."

Why didn't she let him finish? All his courage depletes and he simply nods his head.

But when he looks at her, she's got this look in her eyes that makes Bellamy wonder if she feels the same, or even a fraction of the adoration he feels for her. Seeing the emotion in her face, it's enough to make him wonder, it's enough to let her go.

* * *

v.

Clarke is about to go align the dish that'll insure the launch of the rocket needed to get to the ark. She's rushed, she needs to go, she needs to fix it.

"Bellamy," she begins to say.

"Clarke, if this is one of those moments when you tell me to use my head--" Why did he say that? He could've said _anything_ else.

"No, I was just gonna say... hurry." That's not what she was going to say. If he knows her at all, that was _not_ what she wanted to say.

Murphy is telling him to hurry, that they need to save Monty. But Murphy doesn't understand. This could be the last time Bellamy sees her. There's so much he wants to say.

He wants to say, "You better make it back." He wants to say, "You have to make it back because I don't want to go up there without you." He wants to say, "Please make it back, I can't live without you."

Instead he says, "You, too." He regrets it immediately. He should've said more. He should've said so much more.

* * *

vi.

He's spent 2199 days in space, suffocating in recycled air, desperately wishing to breathe in the clean atmosphere of the Earth. Today's that day, he finally goes home.

He can't help but think of Clarke--the woman he left down there, the woman he left to die. He misses her so much, he can't even put it into words. So he doesn't. No one pushed him the entire time on the ark. No one asked questions, no one brought her up. The one time Raven did, Bellamy practically shut down for a week.

But now he sits in the rocket with his friends, waiting to land back on steady ground.

What he expects is cool air, the feel of a light breeze, the smell of trees, and the sight of green. What he doesn't expect is to hear the voice he thought he'd forgotten after six years and seven days. The voice he thought he'd never hear again.

"Bellamy?"

He turns and sees the face of a woman who looks a lot like Clarke. But this woman has shorter hair and with a streak of red. This woman looks older. This woman looks like Clarke would if she'd survived. But Clarke didn't survive. _Did she?_

He stares at her so long, she walks up to him and speaks again. "I can't believe it's really you."

He's staring. He knows he's staring. He should probably stop staring.

"You're staring," she says, the ghost of a smile on his lips.

"Clarke?" he stutters out in a whisper.

This time she does smile, the mocking yet adoring smile she'd often use when Bellamy would say stupid yet adorable things like that.

"Yeah, Bellamy, it's me."

He takes a step forward, his eyes not leaving her. He runs on hand down the side of her face like he used to. He lets out a small gasp when he touches her, like he didn't fully expect her to be real. Then he moves again, wrapping his arms around her so fast, the air leaves her lungs. He holds her so tight, so tight, he doesn't want to let go.

"Don't let go," he whispers, tucking his face into her neck.

"I won't," she replies.

"I thought you died."

"I thought _you_ died."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

He pulls back, his hands cupping her cheeks. He's flooded with emotion. Relief, she's alive. Sorrow, he thought she was dead and he wasn't there for her. Anger, he should've never doubted her. Sadness, she was here all alone for six years. Regret, he should've said so many things before they last saw each other.

He wants to say, "Thank God you're alive." He wants to say, "I didn't think I could live never seeing you again." He wants to say, "I love you so much, please never leave me again." He can't go another moment without telling her how he truly feels.

"I love you," he says quietly, as though it's a secret. "I should've said it before and I was an idiot not to."

She smiles up at him, her features soft as she whispers back, "Yes, you _are_ an idiot. But I love you, too."

That's all he'll ever need.


End file.
